Notes from a Kitchen Table

December 31st

2011-12-31T00:20:00.002Z

Ah, look, it's December 31st. The last day of this goddamn year, good riddance to you 2011 you steaming heap of shit. I can only apologise for the lack of blog activity this year, maybe you don't care. Could be I'm getting too old to be blogging. Could be that it's time to move on to something new. I'm 25 years old, but I think I'm already in my mid-life crisis. I'll never be to old to be a narcissist. Thanks for reading, I wish you a damn good 2012, I hope you're doing what you want to do and I hope you're being cool with it. Cheerz!

I hope you never
Lose hope in the things you love,
Don't be a dickhead.

How

2011-12-29T23:55:00.001Z

I'm going to ask you something
I should have long ago;
How can there be so much
That I still don't know?

How have I just fucked up
Everything that comes so easy?
And how can I be so ambitious
And yet still be so lazy?

There doesn't seem to be a way
To go where they are going.
I don't know where anyone gets
The strength that they are showing.

I can't forget my dreams
And there's nothing I can do,
Everyone else seems ok
With theirs not coming true.

Please It's Christmas

2011-12-25T19:41:00.002Z

Please don't leave me
It's Christmas.
Don't leave me, stay.
I didn't mean to hit you
Over the head with the tray,
The dinner's getting colder.

Please don't leave me
I have nothing,
Carry on camping,
Please don't leave me

You left.

Please don't hate me
It's Christmas.
Don't hate me, eh?
I didn't mean to ignore you
For most of the day,
It's not like I have a life.

Please don't hate me
I have nothing,
Carry on marathon
Please don't hate me

You do.

Coastal: B like U

2011-12-23T22:50:00.000Z

New Coastal track! One off fun tribute to the best band in the world The Strokes!B like U by Coastal

December 2003

2011-12-20T12:46:00.002Z

When we broke up
In December 2003
I remember being on a bus
And looking out
The window and
Crying while it rained.

And the afternoon traffic
In the darkness passed
Blurred and unpitying
And somewhere in its eye
Was the future
Horrific in the distance.

The December evening
Crumbling into something worse
And the next morning
I woke up and
There was your photo
I punched the wall, hard.

And on Christmas Eve
I took the photo down
And wrote something in
A notebook that I still have
Somewhere and swallowed
About three valium.

Days passed like mist
Each was swallowed into
The remains of the year until
Finally it was 2004.
Finally it was 2005.
Finally it was 2006...

Eventually I'd forgotten
The true contours of your face
And all you were was
A blur, unrecognisable probably
To the guy who loved you
Who wasn't me any longer.

It's not that it wasn't me
Who loved you. It was.
It's just that time erodes the
Features of our hearts
Until they're no longer
Jagged mountains

Rising large into the sky,
But smooth and small
Like pebbles on a beach
Calmly waiting in
Resigned, accepted solitude
For the next wave.

Ghost in the Moonlight

2011-12-13T22:59:00.006Z

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

Than a loser and a chump

At midnight.

Than the Forrest Gump

Of the highway

On the loneliest trip

Of the day.

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

The silvery moon so cold.

The wind in my face

Hair all over the place

Haunting all over the road.

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

Than a bozer and a drunk

At midnight.

Than the vomiting tramp

Of the alleyway

At the lowliest point

Of the day.

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

The silvery moon so cold.

The wind in my face

Hair all over the place

Haunting all over the road.

Rad

2011-12-13T16:40:00.000Z

Feelin' so bad.
Lookin' so rad.
I can't tell you everything.
I can't tell you everything.
Feelin' so bad.
Lookin' so rad.

On My Relationship with Time

2011-12-09T14:56:00.001Z

Time, is always passing
I've heard.
And apparently, it's always
Running out.
We worry what happens when
Time runs out;
We worry
About what will happen
When we're no longer here.
I know I do.
But why should I worry?
There was no thought of time
Before I was here,
And nor shall there be
When I am gone.
If time only exists for me,
Why worry
About the future when
The future outside of me
Cannot exist?
Just as any time in which
I don't exist, can't exist.
Do you understand?
'now' is not all we have,
'now' is more than we need.
Time isn't something we have,
Time is something we are.
Time and I are one and the same,
And will go on
Forever.

Hang

2011-12-08T16:44:00.001Z

Hang the decorations
Please,
Bring the ones I like, love
Near.
Feeling so bad, but I'm so glad
That it's almost the end
Of the end
Of the year.

Hold the christmas dinner
Please,
Bring the snow down on my
Face.
Feeling so old and so comfortably cold
While I throw all the photos
Of you into
The fireplace.

My goose is cooked all the way
Through,
Texting someone out for a
Date.
Feeling so past it that I might as well ask
And the future is a thing I'm no longer
A part of
I can't wait.

The Coke Truck

2011-11-26T15:14:00.000Z

Mum and I stopped to have a look at the coke truck today. Very exciting I'm sure you'll agree.

My Mum Thinks I'm a Loser

2011-11-22T19:16:00.000Z

My mum thinks I'm a loser
And I don't do owt.
That I spend all her money
And lay about her house.
That I got no prospects
And I got no job
Like a long haired fuckwit
A drunken, lazy slob.
I watch 'Big Bang Theory'
With my obnoxious laugh,
It echoes 'round the hallway
While I sit on my ass.
I email out for work
But I get no response,
I'm destined to be stuck here,
Like a joyless, feckless ponce.
My mum thinks I'm a loser
And that I don't do owt.
Like a spider in her bathtub
A stranded layabout.

Sunstealer

2011-11-22T01:30:00.000Z

New Little Owl album 'Sunstealer' is out now! Horrific.

&amp;lt;a href="http://littleowl.bandcamp.com/album/sunstealer"&amp;gt;Sunstealer by Little Owl&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

One More Try

2011-11-19T00:37:00.000Z

Do you think
That when we die
We get another go?
Like, that God says
"That one's for free,
I'll let you have another go
At it."
And you come back,
With all the knowledge it
Took your whole
Life to learn?
And you get one more try?
I hope so.

Yolk

2011-11-12T17:29:00.000Z

I'm broke as a joke
And my face is a boke
And I'm eating a poke
In the bath where I soak
Like darth vader in a cloak
When he's drinking a coke
And have I any hope?
I think that's a nope
So I'm buying a rope
So I can have a wee choke
After one last smoke
And an egg with a yolk.

Wealth/Walk

2011-11-08T02:43:00.003Z

The Guardian is turning into The Daily Mail for liberals lately. What with all this inequality and unfair distribution of wealth and all that. Everyone just noticed this and is now shouting about it. I have a feeling that they might as well be pissing into the wind to be honest, it doesn't look like anything is going to be 'done' any time soon. Maybe after the next major war, which looks increasingly certain, but not a moment sooner. I've come to a sort of zen like acceptance of all this, for a while I was paranoid, then I was in denial, now I've accepted it as almost inevitable. I don't know if all the latest crisis are blips on the radar of progress or if they are genuinely warnings of very bad times to come. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. If they're just blips, good, ignore it, move on. If they are indeed harbingers of some kind of apocalypse then I reckon that's also good. If that's what it takes for humankind to change, if that's the kick up the arse it's been waiting for then I welcome that with open arms!

I went for a walk today, in the Titanic quarter. I had a dream earlier this year which featured a strange car park. Today I found myself walking through it! I've had this happen before, when I've dreamed places/buildings etc. which seem fictional at the time but later turn out to be real places. I don't know how this happens, it's fascinating. It was a lonely walk, I felt completely alien throughout, almost like a ghost. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. I snapped some iphone photos.

I'm becoming quite interested in 'processing' the photos through various apps etc. I think photographic post-production allows one to take the image from the realm of truth or universal reality, into one of personal reality and emotion. I mean, it was all sunny and all, everything looked cheerful, but what if I didn't feel that way at the conception of the image? Well that image wouldn't say much about anything, then. It wouldn't tell you anything other than 'the sun was out, there were some boats on the lough' In processing, though, you can filter what you're seeing into more of a representation of your own reality. This, in the end, is more 'real' to me.

2011-11-04T22:34:00.002Z

Halloween (sad pumpkin since I'm sick)

2011-10-31T18:21:00.000Z

silicon valley

2011-10-30T18:26:00.003Z

take me down

to silicon valley

and long there may i remain

to be but my own

in silicon valley

to program my life away

take me down

to silicon valley

for san francisco is mine

so long, i'm long gone

to silicon valley

to be frozen there in time

take me down

to silicon valley

scatter my ashes there

for to be at the heart

of silicon valley

is to be the squarest of square

Clocks

2011-10-29T22:21:00.000+01:00

The clocks go back tonight
But they don't really.
If they did, that would be good.
But they don't.

Enjoy your extra hour in bed
You're gonna need it when you're dead.

Fealme

2011-10-23T11:25:00.001+01:00

Trou bruv. Forreol,
Liak,
Ayaint lyein yafealme,
Liak,
Whot iamyea? Thats
Liak,
Trou. Reol. Yegetmi.

The Intensity of Existence in the Face of Normality

2011-10-21T16:00:00.000+01:00

The bloodied

Lifeless

Face of Gaddafi

Stares back at me

From the screen

Whilst I

Finish

My lunch.

Dreams and Friends

2011-10-21T09:03:00.000+01:00

Dreams

Come and dreams go,

Leaving me awake

And sad.

You were in the dream.

Friends

Come and friends go,

Leaving me alone

And sad.

I miss the friends I lose.

Dreams

Come and friends go,

Leaving me awake

And alone.

You're the one I miss.

Sunday

2011-10-16T09:45:00.000+01:00

I've been travelling by bus of late, since the window in my car is still awaiting repair after the robbery last week. I must say, I've enjoyed it. I'd forgotten how nice it is to not have to concentrate on the road, and having time to immerse oneself in some music and notice the little things going by outside the window, that one wouldn't notice while driving. We're all broke lately, what else is new? In case you weren't paying attention, I was 'let go' from my short lived job as a truck salesman due to lack of business. I was overjoyed, having despised working there. Back to the dole I went. I'm not sure whether I hate working or I just keep landing myself in jobs that are terrible.

My plans for the rest of the year are to lay low, somewhat, and see where life seems to be taking me, because I've been thrown around like a rag doll this year, and I'm not sure what direction I'm pointing in anymore.

I'm planning to bus into Belfast later. I have no idea why. I think I just need a walk, or leave the house somehow. More shit soon.

Zombie

2011-10-12T07:01:00.001+01:00

Like a zombie
I keep coming
And coming back for more.

Like a zombie
I don't really know
What I keep coming back for.

Like a zombie
I keep rising
Rising every day.

Like a zombie
I'm still walking
But dead in every way.

Birthday.

2011-10-05T02:52:00.000+01:00

Went out with Lauren and Jenny and their friend Ryan tonight. Was good! Someone broke into my car and stole my ipod though. That was bad. Happy birthday me.

2011-10-02T19:30:00.000+01:00

I'll never have a sports car
Will I? No.
I'll never have a sports car.

I'll never have a mini bar
Will I? No.
I'll never have a mini bar.

Trans Neptunian

2011-09-30T14:07:00.004+01:00

Pluto, Haumea, Eris
Distant, frozen, heatless.
Nowhere, bloodless, lightless,
Spinning in the darkness.
Over the horizon
Passing beyond Makemake
There is something coming
That will change our lives forever.
Cruel and blue and shapeless
They are forming a trajectory,
Heartless, endless, knowing,
Better than we know each other.

Anyway

2011-09-28T22:36:00.001+01:00

I voluntarily went and got a job.
I said, "Please, take all my time, take as much as you like."

In exchange for this, I was given money,
With which I can buy things to make myself feel better.

"It doesn't matter that I spend most of my time feeling miserable,"
I tell myself, "...I have money, and

Nothing really makes me happy anyway."

Nothing really makes me happy anyway.

Nothing really makes me happy anyway.

Nothing really makes me happy anyway.

Twenty Something

2011-09-22T17:03:00.001+01:00

I'm in my twenties.
And have been for half a decade.
Since I only have five years left
To be in my twenties,
Sometimes I have to wonder
"Where am I going?"
And I have yet to find an answer.

We live in a world
Surrounded by twenty somethings
Doing wonderful things.
So when you're twenty something
And you're not,
You feel like a loser.
How much longer do I have to wait

For the pieces of my life to fall
Into place?
Until it all becomes clear?
The sad and true fact is that
It might never become clear,
And that life might be nothing more,
Than the search itself

For meaning in complete and absolute
Chaos.
Once, there was a time when I thought
Life was a series of complex patterns,
Fractals, basically. Interwoven,
Into the fabric of ones own existence.
The scary thing being, I could have been wrong.

2011-09-21T22:34:00.000+01:00

"If you can keep your head while all around are losing theirs...you obviously haven't a clue what's going on."
Jeremy Paxman, Newsnight

2011-09-20T18:43:00.002+01:00

"The ploughing championships in Kildare today were a hotbed of political activity..."
Sarah Travers, BBC Northern Ireland News

2011-09-19T23:21:00.002+01:00

Do.

2011-09-19T02:21:00.000+01:00

a life without you
is a life i cannot do-
a nightmare come true.

About to

2011-09-18T22:16:00.000+01:00

I'm so unfocu
I can never finish anythi
And now I'm asking myself this;
What is it that I want to achie
I'm always procrastinati
And getting distracte
And one day I'll find that
I'm about to die
Without having anything acommpli

2011-09-15T22:56:00.000+01:00

"...evil begets stupidity. An organization that wins by exercising power starts to lose the ability to win by doing better work. And it's not fun for a smart person to work in a place where the best ideas aren't the ones that win."
Paul Graham, summing up exactly how I feel about my job, funny enough! (and im sure how lots of others feel about THEIR jobs, whatever the profession)

2011-09-15T19:57:00.002+01:00

The Miserable Lives of the Weak and Worthless

2011-09-15T19:45:00.001+01:00

The miserable lives of the weak and worthless
Working for a living
Living for the weekend
Let's dance and drink like there's no tomorrow
But tomorrow comes and it's always a nightmare.

The miserable lives of the weak and worthless
Walking through a forest
So deep and endless
Let's walk in deeper until we're gone forever
And forever is longer than you can ever imagine.

The miserable lives of the weak and worthless
Curling like a fetus
Hiding from the future
But the future still comes and when it's gone they're forgotten
The miserable lives of the weak and worthless.

The Better Art

2011-09-14T20:52:00.001+01:00

Which is better?
Visual art or
Music?
Which is better?
Who inspires who?
What came first?
The chicken...
Or the drawing of the chicken?
Or the song about the chicken?
Which is better?
How do I choose?
Do I listen to music while drawing?
Do I make music while looking at a drawing?
Who likes what?
Which is the better art?
There's only one way to find out...
FIGHHTTTTTTT!

Degree (foundation)

2011-09-13T11:16:00.000+01:00

Got word through yesterday that I passed my resit, therefore passing the course. Hooray! That's right now I have a FOUNDATION DEGREE. Not a real degree, but it'll do me.

The day is really dragging in today. It's only 11:18 but it feels like I came in ages ago. Ugh.

2011-09-11T21:34:00.003+01:00

Nothing

2011-09-11T17:29:00.001+01:00

The universe of nothing
Went spinning
And on and on it went beginning
As it ended it was nothing
Even though it was nothing
It was something

The life we're living it's nothing
It's ending
And on and on it goes pretending
On and on pretending that it's something
Even though it was nothing
It was nothing

Virtual High Street

2011-09-11T13:18:00.000+01:00

David Mitchell had this to say in the Guardian today. It's very true! However I don't think that it's a shame at all, that the high streets are dying off slowly. Good riddance, I say. I always resented the money it cost to go INTO town, either through overpriced bus fares or overpriced car parking. I mean, what's so great about it anyway? You'd always get there, kind of excited at what sort of great day of shopping awaited you, and you'd gradually become more and more pissed off, worn out and disappointed as the day went on. You'd be disappointed the shops would never ever have what you were looking for, you'd get worn out from dragging your ass from place to place through all weather (mostly cold and rain) and you'd eventually get pissed off by being surrounded by screaming kids/fat, loud, stressed parents, etc. Need I go on!?

Town centres are and always have been nothing more than a 3d environment devoted to marketing, advertising, sales and recreation. And within the next 20 years or so, we'll have far far nicer VIRTUAL versions of that which can be accessed from anywhere and any time and personalised to the users own taste. And if you don't believe me, just look at what's available already! Amazon/ebay etc they're all just very primitive versions of that, with more choice and value than town centers could ever offer.

But now you're like "But I want to live in the real world!" No you don't, the real world is shit, why the hell would anyone mourn the loss of the real wold...the 'real' experience of shopping. The 'real' experience of surly shop assistants, stress, those fucking awful charity people in your FACE! To mourn the loss of 'reality' is like mourning the loss of the industrial age sweatshop. There is nothing we exist in that won't eventually be recreated and surpassed virtually. Sure the physical nature of high streets will probably change, eventually all the shops will be gone. What will remain? Big concrete warehouses filled with servers? Could be, but by that stage we won't care anyway, we'll be spending most of our time in virtual reality, where life is more bearable.

Knowing

2011-09-08T23:09:00.000+01:00

Knowing what you don't want
Is easy.

Isn't it?

You'll never be disappointed by what you don't want.
When you don't get it.

Thank god for what I don't want,
Sometimes it's all I have.

Enuff (ain't)

2011-09-08T10:45:00.000+01:00

Talent ain't enuff.
Talent ain't enuff.
I've got plenty of it
And I still got it rough.
If only all that talent
Translated into stuff...
I would have it all mate
But talent ain't enuff.

Book smarts ain't enuff.
Book smarts ain't enuff.
I've read plenty of books
And I still find it tough.
If only all those writers
Had told me I was fucked.
I would have gotten out mate
Cos book smarts ain't enough.

Good looks ain't enuff.
Good looks ain't enuff.
I'm a handsome fellow,
But I don't feel too buff.
Cos everything I seem to say
Is dumb and off the cuff.
I'm sick of the sight of myself mate
Cos good looks ain't enuff.

Scope

2011-09-07T14:23:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I want a telescope
To see
To see into the past
It's all gone by too fast.

Sometimes I want a microscope
To see
To see myself up close
To see up close us both.

Sometimes I want a periscope
To see
To see above the waves
For when I'm in my grave.

Sometimes I want to analyse
And see
And see where I am going
And see where I have been.

Let it go

2011-09-07T11:20:00.001+01:00

Let it go. That seems to be the sentiment of late. Not just in relation to 9/11 but to the tumultuous last decade in general. I can't decide if this is good advice or not. I think, maybe on the face of it, it probably is good advice. It's probably good advice on a personal level, even. I think a lot of people are still carrying the weight of the 00's on their shoulders. It manifests itself in such things as the '2012 phenomenon' and the other 'end times' kind of opinions floating around. They've been floating around for a long time now and we're all still here.

Not that I'm advocating some kind of resignation to the world being fucked up so lets just all hide our heads in the sand, kind of thing, but doomsday mongering is about as bad anyway. Maybe it's about time we just got on with our lives, and stop worrying that the world is going to end tomorrow, because that hasn't been the case so far. 9/11 wasn't even enough, we had the Global Warming people that their tactics towards the start of the 00's amounted to shrill exaggeration, giving everyone the excuse to say 'Ugh, global warming is exaggerated bullshit' etc. I was one of those people, even. Add to this some natural disasters, that probably wouldn't have seemed quite so apocalyptic out of context.

Maybe we just need to start over, lets write the 00's off as some really highly tense, bullshit-heavy times and lets get on with things having lived and learned. Ugh, what am I saying. More shit soon.

&

2011-09-06T18:03:00.002+01:00

And when I get home
I will shoot some methadone
And get into the zone
And throw up all alone.

'PseudoSummeR' and 'Nightjars' get official re-release

2011-09-06T15:21:00.004+01:00

I've rebranded 'PseudoSummeR' and 'Nightjars' as Coastal albums, sitting alongside the eponymous 'Coastal' on my bandcamp page. These albums, as Neil Burns said in his review, form somewhat of a lose trilogy, both stylistically, lyrically and ascetically, so its only apt that they're all available in the same place. One day they'll have the audience they deserve, as much as I like to be hyper critcal about my own music, these two records represent something of a creative peak for me in that part of my life, the 'songwriting' part of which has yet to return. Time will tell... But sometimes when enough time has passed you get to have a little bit of objectivity about stuff like this, so it doesn't even seem like it's the same person anyway.
<a href="http://coastal.bandcamp.com/album/nightjars">Nightjars by Coastal</a><a href="http://coastal.bandcamp.com/album/pseudosummer">PseudoSummeR by Coastal</a>

Facebook is annoying me

2011-09-05T17:24:00.000+01:00

Facebook has got really shit lately. They seem to be systematically removing all the features that make it usable or likable. Like the ability to hide posts by people you don't know (or like), thats gone. Or the ability to add photos to an album, now you just 'add' a photo, shit it out into the fucking ether of facebook and hope that it finds a home. The facebook messenger was shit to begin with but it's almost unusable now. Maybe some of these features still exist, but I sure as fuck can't find them. To me they're gone. I don't get how Facebook seem to have got a good thing going and then not had the sense to leave it alone. They've kept moving things around and they basically redesign how its used every month, which sucks because I really WANT to like Facebook, you know? I'm not one of those 'anti-facebook' wankers who just think all social networking is evil, because it isn't. But I think that once something on the internet works, fucking LEAVE IT ALONE you dicks!

Internship?

2011-08-30T13:41:00.000+01:00

I'd like to draw your attention to this article about unpaid internships. Admittedly this is with reference to law firms, however it applies to any field and echoes my sentiments about my internship earlier this year at SERC, which as a good deal of you will know, was a miserable experience for me.

I think that basically interns are being exploited right now behind the excuse that 'it's the recession' etc. This is bullshit, in my case, large companies like SERC are making more than enough to pay for 2 interns for 10 weeks (as this article states, its actually illegal not to pay interns who are to be working full time for longer than 6 weeks). Not to mention the fact that we, as interns, were not just shadowing other employees but were carrying out actual beneficial WORK for the company. In my case, designing the promotional material for an entire department of the college, spanning several campuses, not to mention photography work and other bits and bobs. Work that really would have cost SERC several thousands of pounds had they outsourced it. So it's even more of a disgrace that they had me do all this for FREE, never mind for anything like the minimum wage.

Even worse is the fact that for the duration of those 10 weeks, I was paying for food, petrol, etc out of my own pocket and simultaneously studying for the rest of the course (on Thursdays I was required to be in college from 9am to 9pm. A twelve hour day.)

I think it's worth drawing attention to these issues, which seem to be becoming disturbingly more commonplace as time goes on.

In other news, I've now got a proper job. Part time. It'll be the first time I've been paid for working since 2008, even though I've had TWO separate jobs since then! More shit soon.

Courtesy of David;

2011-08-29T18:36:00.001+01:00

Sign, Belfast International Airport

Jazzmaster

2011-08-28T17:36:00.000+01:00

As many of you know, my Fender Jazzmaster is my pride and joy. I ordered it a new scratchplate from ebay to give it a bit of a makeover. From red/white to red/red (see above). Mmmm matching. I'll let you know how it works out. I bet you can't wait.

beach walking

2011-08-27T13:52:00.001+01:00

beach walking
midnight
no memories
following me
it would be
good for me
beach walking
no memories
following me
it would be
midnight
it would be
following me
beach walking

Remain

2011-08-26T12:21:00.001+01:00

'Where were you on 9/11?'
Is a question I hear again and again.
After 10 years this trite inquiry makes headlines
When so much more important questions
About 9/11 remain.

Inside

2011-08-25T21:17:00.000+01:00

The time for going out has passed
Lets face it lads, it wouldn't last
It costs me money every time
Staying inside's pretty fine.
I buy my shit through the internet
Where I can choose exactly what to get
And it arrives right at my door
I go back upstairs and shop some more.
Fuck going to work I'll work from home
No long commute on shitty roads
No petrol prices to wreck my bank
I'll stay inside and have a wank.

Latest Doodles

2011-08-25T15:06:00.000+01:00

I think the revolution WILL be televised

2011-08-24T15:55:00.002+01:00

Just reading this in the Guardian and drawing some comparisons with the 'Arab Spring' etc, Egypt even Tripoli right now. Could all these 'revolutions' be the result of the inherently democratising nature of the internet and global communication? Of course.

The rioting in London was not an attempt at a revolution obviously, but it's silly to suggest that it was 'mindless'. Collectively, society has a mind, and this kind of thing is the result of deeply felt dissatisfaction on a societal level. Just because the unrest presented itself as 'shopping with violence' (one description I read) this does not mean that the riots were caused alone by an insatiable desire for consumer goods. The relatively small number of youths involved also says something not about the decline in moral standards, but in the high regard held for peace by the majority of young people.

Saying that, this reactionary stance the government are currently taking is almost an incitement to a genuine revolution. These sort of violations of civil liberties which have been gradually increasing since 9/11 are partly to blame for the looting in the first place. It's obvious that society as it stands, even in decadent western cultures like the UK, does not currently work on a lot of levels. Not forgetting that a standard of living is not the same thing as quality of life, this society's higher 'standard of living', is in direct competition with the falling 'quality of life' for a huge amount of people. We see this in the rising rates of depression and mental health issues, in the rising number of hours spent working and in the widening gap between those who have and who have not. It seems that although we can afford Nike trainers and reasonably priced cars, it isn't making us any happier. Combine this with a gradually falling trust in those in power (Labour, Conservative, Rupert Mudoch (!) etc) and we begin to see why people are prepared to act out, despite seemingly having it all.

On a personal level and as a young person, I can tell you outright that restrictions on social networks or on telecommunications would serve to anger me enough that I may be prepared to do something which I would not otherwise do, for example to incite violence, a point which a small but not insignificant minority in the UK have obviously already reached. Just because the violence manifested as seemingly moronic looting does not mean that the cause is directly related to a strong desire to steal. The recent riots should be seen as a warning sign or signal from this society as a whole and the government should be treating it as such. Increasingly restrictive behavior on an already restricted people will only increase pressure which at some point will inevitably boil over.

The history of human culture has never shown dictatorship to be successful in the long run and with the spread of the internet, a certain kind of global democratisation is well on its way. Whether or not this has to be achieved through violent means, remains to be seen. In the end it's down to the powers that be and whether or not they're smart enough to see the writing on the wall. But I have a feeling that they're not and that we certainly have not seen the end of violence on the streets. This time it was only a few shops that got fucked up by a bunch of kids. Next time we might not be so lucky to be able to sit back and condemn. Next time, we might be out there with them.

Friend

2011-08-23T01:59:00.000+01:00

Stayin up all night
With my friend the wine.
John Coltrane records on;
My friend the wine,
Plays sax.
And watching those
Infomercials
About some bra.
Tits look 10 times bigger
In this thing.
My friend the wine
Plays sax.
Tomorrow I have to
Sign on.
Maybe I'll stay drunk.
It's not like I gotta drive.
Stayin up all night
With my friend the wine.

I'm tired of the summer now

2011-08-22T11:34:00.002+01:00

I'm tired of the summer
Now.
Please go away and let me curl into a ball and die.
I'm tired of driving the same country roads.
I'm tired of being the same guy.

I'm tired of the summer
Now.
Please let me forget about the shit thats gone down this year.
I'm tired of wearing the same clothes.
I'm tired of using the same gear.

I'm tired of the summer
Now.
Please let the winter come so this shithole can freeze.
I'm tired of looking out the same window.
I'm tired of looking at those fucking trees.

I'm tired of the summer
Now.
Please let this year die alone like it has left me alone and blue.
I'm tired of everything I am.
I'm tired of everything I do.

I'm tired of everything I'm not.
I'm tired of never being anything I want.

I'm tired of everything I am.
I'm tired of everything I do.

I'm tired of the summer
Now.
Please go away and let me curl into a ball and die.
I'm tired of being the same dude.
I'm tired of being the same guy.

David Cameron

2011-08-21T16:28:00.000+01:00

David Cameron
Thought hard about the moral decline
In British society
"Something must be done" he said
As he packed
His suitcase.

Coolness

2011-08-21T04:34:00.000+01:00

I'm tired of trying to look 'cool'. Sometimes I think, you know, I just want to put a fucking fleece on. I want to wear comfortable shoes, that I can go for a walk in and should the walk last all day, won't end up leaving me in serious pain. Or that I wont end up worrying about my feet getting soaked every time I go to the beach. I think 'coolness' is a game you can't really win, isn't it? It's sort of impractical and it sucks the fun out of everything. Coolness is like the killjoy at a party reminding you that you really shouldn't be doing that...blah blah. Like when you're looking for a nice hoodie or something and you find one thats so comfortable, but its got 'SUPERDRY' or something all over the front of it. And there's coolness over your shoulder again "Oh don't get that, that's not cool, you'll end up looking like a mid life crises dad in that" etc. Cool is a fucking pain in the arse. Well no more. Fuck looking cool, I'm going to buy some nice uncool clothes and stop worrying.

Tryhard

2011-08-11T19:59:00.002+01:00

My god! Just realised...
I don't have to try so hard!
Well, thank fuck for that.

London's Burning

2011-08-09T03:41:00.000+01:00

Super 8

2011-08-08T22:33:00.000+01:00

Went to see JJ Abrams' 'Super 8' today. Here are my thoughts;

Ok, so it's about a bunch of kids who, while making a Super 8 film, witness a train crash and subsequent escape of a captured alien, which then wreaks havoc on their town. It's called 'Super 8' but there's really not much anything to do with the Super 8 format apart from the fact that the kids are using it to record their home movie. What this film is really about is paying massive respect (bruv) to Stephen Spielberg. Watching it is like watching some classic late 80's Spielberg, classical score and sense of sentimentality and all. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, it's really successful in this regard. But nothing new is brought to the table. It was really awesome and all, while I was watching, I had nearly convinced myself that it was 1987 and that I was about to go home and make out with Ally Sheedy.

But it wasn't. And I wasn't. I mean basically Spielberg already DID all this stuff, and he did it way better. There was the alien creature for example, which didn't really make a full appearance until about 3/4 way through the film. What terror invisibility giveth the alien at the start of the film was swiftly taken away when we saw that he was just a tacky looking CGI gimmick. I mean, Spielberg would have at least mixed in some real life rubber models or something.

Its Abrams' laziness as a director that I find most frustrating. Because he has some really great ideas, and his films have a nice look to them, with the whole blue beam lens-reflection thing he has going on. But dude, this could have been SO much better. I'm not saying I hated it, it was awesome for the most part, but I didn't come out of the cinema seeing the world any differently. If it hadda been Spielberg rather than a love letter TO Spielberg, I would have. I would have put on my Ray Bans and driven off into the sunset, in my DeLorean, with Ally Sheedy.

Stream

2011-08-08T09:29:00.001+01:00

Did some drawing on my iphone last night. Shown here. Fun times. Didn't get any sleep though.

Stepping Back

2011-08-06T21:03:00.001+01:00

Lately I have realised
That consciousness
Is a series of colours
In various shades.
I'm not saying
That you can see all those shades
At all times.
Of course when you look
At a painting, you have to step back
To see all the colours at once.
Life isn't a painting
And you can't step back,
In case you look like a nutcase.
So I plan to remain
A detail.

Internet Junk

2011-08-05T01:15:00.000+01:00

On my surfing of the internet these days, I sometimes will be reading something and suddenly realise that it's wildly out of date. This happens to me mostly while looking up stuff about recording music. Sometimes I come across stuff that's like "Then just burn it to CD..." or whatever, and it's like...you know, people don't really DO that anymore.

And it occurred to me that the internet is now becoming 'old' enough that there's a whole bunch of really out of date shit sitting on it that is churned up now and again, and it's slightly weird because its no longer relevant to anything. And because there's no historical context as you're reading it (as in, you usually don't find out that its out of date until something obviously dates it, like noticing at the bottom *copyright 2003 or something) it just seems like a weird anachronism.

It's nearly like finding a really old story printed by accident in today's newspaper. We think of the internet as this very 'now' thing, completely up to date and stuff, with all the latest information. But because it HAS been that for neigh on 10 years (in a 'mainstream' sense), there's loads of this old internet junk floating around too, because nothing on the net ever gets thrown away, it just sits there for eternity, no matter if its a day old or it's been there since the late 90s.

In a way it's a testament to how quickly things change nowadays. In regards to the use of technology anyway. I mean 10 years ago, people had ipods etc. but there was a 'oh this is new fangled technology' kind of vibe to them. Now almost everyone I know (including my mum) has one and uses it really without thinking. Except Neil Burns, who seems to be stuck in some kind of time warp and still gets me to burn things on to CD for him.

Who knows what will happen within the NEXT 10 years... whatever happens, there'll be an increase in this kind of floating internet junk from ages ago that doesn't mean anything anymore. And I'm wondering how we're going to be able to decipher it from what is now and relevant.

Drunken Midnight Impulse Purchases

2011-08-03T03:17:00.000+01:00

Drunken midnight impulse purchases
On the internet.

You'll thank yourself in the morning.

Bigamy

2011-08-02T03:59:00.000+01:00

When I play drums
I feel like
I'm cheating
On the guitar.

When I write country
I feel like
I've lost
The skill for drum and bass.

When I draw things
I feel like
My camera
Is now obsolete.

How do you know the difference
Between loving
Many things
And wanting too much?

Should I be married to one woman
I love most
Or choose
Bigamy?

Neil Burns' Review of COASTAL

2011-08-01T17:33:00.001+01:00

"I'm no expert on 'dark ambient' or 'noise', or any of the myriad of genres and subgenres associated with them. I can tell you that Coastal's first release, is, however, great. It's only the first in one sense, though. As the latest pseudonym of the prolific and creative musician Paul Fox, this is in truth part of a series: in a sense it completes his trilogy of moody summer albums, beginning with 'Pseudosummer' and followed by 'Nightjars' (A fact wryly acknowledged on the track 'PseudoSolstice' on this album).

With each consecutive release, reverb-drenched textures have come to dominate more and more over the excellent country/folk/surf tinged songs, until, on this album, the process is completed: songs themselves apparently dissolve in an atmospheric stew, with only hints of lyrics, chords and hooks remaining, floating in the ether, severed from discernible structures. Frequently, no such landmarks are audible at all, just a mournful, dissonant wall of mangled guitar sounds.

Significantly or otherwise, the song-esque moments are among the most memorable: the surreal surf of 'Nightmare on Ulm Street' and the eerily beautiful and hypnotic 'Underworld'. In these, a strikingly original middle ground is tentatively being sculpted out, somewhere between 'conventional' songwriting and ambience. For such a 'difficult' sounding description, Coastal is a surprisingly engaging, if not an easy, listen, with a raw, haunting quality that makes even its strangest moments humane and affecting." You can download the album right HERE!

Self Help

2011-08-01T12:21:00.000+01:00

I've been guilty of buying a shitload of self help books. There. I said it. At first I found them sort of amusing, and I enjoyed reading that kind of thing if only to gain the odd bit of common sense advice that I'd do well to remember the next time I tried to kill myself or something.

However, eventually it became some kind of obsession. Well, not obsession as such, but like I was constantly on the lookout for something that would make me think "Thats it!" and therefore the rest of my life would be relatively easy and free of shit times, or at least when the shit times came, I'd handle them with grace and with the mindfulness of a Buddhist monk.

But what good are they? The answer is; none. The sprawling mess of books on offer really just confuses you further. I used think living should be about seeking answers or seeking out some kind of effective way to live. But I don't think there is one. I've realised it's a bit ridiculous to think that there's a 'way' to live. There can't be. Surely its just circumstances. It's probably not worth worrying about.

I've worn myself out even talking about it.

Drums

2011-08-01T11:23:00.005+01:00

What's been going on? Not much really. I haven't got enough money to leave the house, having spent it all on new drums (cymbals pending). However this means I've been practicing. A lot. It's good because I feel like I'm turning back into the focused young individual I used to be. The re-kindling of my interest in the drums as an instrument has proven beneficial to my routine and even to my physical and mental health.

I've let myself go on drums, I've become the drum equivalent of a couch potato. Sitting comfortably, slightly out of sight of everyone, not really reaching for anything because I have it all conveniently located beside me, slowly getting fatter and lazier. This is the same with any instrument, you can reach a certain level of comfort that 'gets you by' and you stay there. Safe in the knowledge that you can slip by unnoticed in any musical situation, but at the same time being unable to achieve what you REALLY want because of your limitations. And you might not even be bad as such, you probably sound like you know what you're doing. But deep down you're a bit pissed off at yourself for not being at the top of your game when you could be!

Why am I doing this? Why don't I just program some samples? In this day and age, you don't even NEED to be good at anything, machines do it all for you! Yeah...that's true, but as far as instruments are concerned isn't that a little sad? I really think it's something that has been 'lost' in the last decade or so. Nobody seems to be able to sit down and focus enough to be able to practice an instrument anymore. Everyone wants results and wants them now, and fucked if anyone has the time to sit around slowly going through boring scales or rudiments with little or no signs of progress week after week.

And in a way I think that's a real shame. There's something therapeutic about practicing, it's like meditation or something. It's a time of focus and awareness. You get to know yourself as much as whatever your practicing. Yeah, it sounds wanky, and of course nobody has any time for wankyness. I mean I really do find it difficult to sit down and play 'left, right, left, left, right, left, right, right' for 1/2 an hour at 110bpm. But if it results in me having achieved something, like the achievement of having learned to be absolutely excellent at doing one particular thing, i.e. playing drums, then it must be worth it!

Also, incidentally it makes me laugh when I see these modern metal drummers with their shirts off, playing really fast, sweating etc. and then I think of the old guys in the 50's like Buddy Rich, doing exactly the same stuff, only better, with a wooly jumper on, looking as if he's about to go play a round of golf, or a suit or whatever. That's what I aim for! Not topless, muscular sweating, but suited classiness.

Still

2011-07-30T19:24:00.001+01:00

You were in my dream last night
Thanks for showing up.
Once in a dream is nice
Since you don't show up in my life.

Even bitter, bad dreams are bliss until
I wake up and remember
That it's a shitstorm I'd have done without
If I knew you, still.

Luck

2011-07-29T22:32:00.000+01:00

Put on some Bill Evans records, love.
It's Friday night
And there is nothing to do.
My mouth is dry
And my skin is smooth
For once.
And for once I feel
My luck is in.

Let that cigarette burn in the ash tray, love.
There are no words left
And we've such a long way to go.
And as I'm still in pain
I won't smile yet. But
For once
Love, for once I feel
My luck is in.

Chemtrails, 5am

2011-07-24T05:28:00.004+01:00

For the Weak

2011-07-23T06:39:00.003+01:00

Sleep is for the weak
For the small and meek.
I'm having a triple espresso
And a lucozade as we speak.
I've had an hour of shut eye
And a routine so busy
A mortal man would cry.
But not I.

Sleep is for the weak
For the frail and infirm
There's just too much to do
And things to learn.
I've had a 20 minute meditation
And cucumber over my eyes
For rejuvenation
Equivalent to a sunrise.

Sleep is for the weak
For the dull of mind.
I'm having breakfast of a burger
At 9.
Reading Ray Kurzweil books
Until 4.
Using every living part of my brain
And more.

Sleep is for the weak
For the fool of heart.
It's a hell of a late night,
An early start.
It's everything all at once
Forever more with no break.
A constant flow of information
And intake.

Sleep is for the weak
For the boring scum.
Lying down on a mattress
To just succumb.
While you dream of nothing
I've been using that time
For the betterment of myself
And mankind.

Coastal- Coastal

2011-07-20T17:39:00.001+01:00

Today sees the official release of COASTAL and its eponymous debut album! You can download it for free right here. I'll put the little player thing on the bottom. I feel like I don't really know what this album is about yet, or what it's for. I have a feeling that'll be slowly revealed to me as time goes on and I can gain some objectivity. Expanding on the sound of 'Nightjars' basically, things have just got noisier and more intense. Much like life. Songs have dissolved into structureless, dripping magma and the only real melodic content comes in the form of wrecked loops of guitar, buried under an ocean of noise. Enjoy.
<a href="http://coastal.bandcamp.com/album/coastal-2">Coastal by Coastal</a>

Alan Sugar

2011-07-17T17:49:00.001+01:00

Sir Alan Sugar
Pointed his hairy finger
"You're fired!"
He said.

Ricardo Villalobos & Max Loderbaur: Re ECM

2011-07-15T15:25:00.001+01:00

Dude, you know that one album 'Selected Ambient Works Vol. II' by Aphex Twin? Well, every year some album comes out and people are like "Dude, this is the next S.A.W. II" and it's like, yeah, you go and listen and you see that it's a perfectly good ambient kinda album and stuff, but it doesn't make you feel anything. It doesn't have that kinda emotional punch that S.A.W. II has.

This isn't the case for this record, it like, fucking rules. And it doesn't happily sit in the background either. Like Selected Ambient Works, and things like Brian Eno's 'On Land' and Moon Landing records, this just subtly creeps the shit out of you. And you don't hear it all on the first listen either, I've listened to it about 4 times now since I bought it a few days ago, and I think it gets better each time.

Ricardo Villalobos for those of you not really 'down with it' is a really famous minimalist house producer dude, known for his hard partying and general European DJ greasyness. As well as his awesome club records. But this is like so NOT any of that. Basically it's a bunch of totally avant garde remixes of stuff on the German ECM label. Mostly jazz and stuff, some classical like Arvo Part, etc. But not really normal remixes as such, more like those kind of remixes that don't sound anything like the original. It does kind of sound like a really good experimental jazz record.

Anyway yeah you need to hear this album it's great.

The March of the Orange Men

2011-07-12T13:36:00.000+01:00

Listen to the march of the orange men.
Distant now, but ever closer they come.
Sightless eyes leading them, Down your road.
Down your drive. Draw up the covers my child,
For the march of the orange men does not cease
Until they're marching around your bed,
Their drums ringing loud into your room,
Inviting demons near and hell through.
They light fires 40 feet high, young one,
Listen to them laugh. They'd throw you on it
As soon as look at you. They'd cook your skin,
Use your skull from which to drink their Tennants.
Listen to the march of the orange men,
Distant now, but soon arriving.
Sightless eyes leading them, forward
Into nightmare. Into nightmare. Into nightmare.

Picnic

2011-07-11T14:18:00.004+01:00

Let me tell you something about depression;

It is no picnic.

And if it was,

There'd be a fuckload of drugs to take to the picnic.

You would spread the rug,

And you'd be eating your cheese sandwich with somebody screaming

In your face.

Then, for months afterward

You'd keep thinking about eating the cheese sandwich with somebody screaming in your face,

Now with somebody whispering in your ear,

Reminding you about the cheese sandwich and the screaming.

Now you remember the drugs,

Only the drugs that you'd brought to the picnic are no longer your friends.

It's like being given a crutch after you've broken a leg

And now that crutch is beating the shit out of you.

If depression was a picnic, which it isn't

It would be the only picnic in the world that eats you.

Cranes/Clouds

2011-07-10T21:25:00.000+01:00

Swirling Clouds

2011-07-06T23:12:00.001+01:00

False

2011-07-06T04:47:00.000+01:00

Paul's Fun Morning in Antrim

2011-07-04T12:04:00.000+01:00

Shadows on Shed

2011-07-04T07:41:00.005+01:00

Im up early again. Well, no, I've just been awake for a long time. As uninspired as I found my photography yesterday, I'm actually having a lot more fun with the iPhone for photos lately.

Last night I finally had it with Firefox, it had pissed me off for the last time! Since Firefox 4, it has been running unforgivably slowly, so I switched. Having grown a bit weary of Safari, I tried Opera. I was actually pleasantly surprised with how great it is! Apart from some minor compatibility issues, it is dare I say it, as close to perfect as I have come in a browser, I don't know why it doesn't get more credit, really.

Today's being slated as the 'warmest of the year so far'. The iPhone only predicts a high of 19, though. I'm inclined to believe the iphone, it's seldom wrong.

Window Dirt Ufo

2011-07-04T07:22:00.001+01:00

Photos

2011-07-04T04:55:00.003+01:00

Went out to take some photos earlier. It was an unsuccessful trip. Felt like a fool really. It's not that it wasn't a good sunset, because it was, I just felt like I was taking the same old photos of the same old things. I need a change of scenery, photography wise. Not sure how that's going to happen, but it's what I need. (Above) flower from earlier, the closest I came to getting a decent shot, of anything, anywhere. Bah humbug. More shite soon.

More noctilucent clouds, 3:45am

2011-07-03T03:42:00.002+01:00

"Up on the blog so everyone knows, we're having new age fun with a vintage feel"

2011-07-02T23:53:00.002+01:00

Played the Willowstone festival with the Inishowen Gospel Choir today. Went well, I thought. Apart from the fact I was struck with a brutal head cold and felt completely miserable the entire time. Lovely day though, good food, good weather. Shit clicked into place and what not. Here are the hipster-esque photos.

Noctilucent clouds, 3am

2011-07-02T04:10:00.000+01:00

Night Moth

2011-06-30T00:34:00.004+01:00

Night moth,
Following useless photons
To its death
On a windscreen.
Out of the darkness and
Blueness of the world,
Comes nightmare.

Nightmare,
Nocturnal and crawling,
Glowing like a plastic skull
Under a black light.
Out of the darkness and
Blueness of the world,
Comes night moth.

Fear and Loathing in Lisburn

2011-06-28T18:13:00.002+01:00

Haikus of 2011

2011-06-27T15:02:00.002+01:00

How do you know when
You are too old for this shit?
When you have to ask.

Haikus of 2011

2011-06-26T15:54:00.001+01:00

Sometimes I still dream
About you and about us.
I must try to stop.

Saturday

2011-06-25T14:06:00.003+01:00

Bought back my big ass monitor from Rohan yesterday. Well, when I say 'bought' no money was exchanged, but debts were cancelled. If you think I won't be watching Blade Runner on it later, you're crazy.

The gig went well actually. Apart from me royally cocking up the last song, which is in 7/8. Odd time signatures are not my forte. Siobhan made an even more foolish mistake however, when she fell into a conversation with Alan about evolution. Alan doesn't believe in evolution, and if you do, you're damn well going to regret it. I learned long ago it's best to just say "Yeah..." and nod. Then I go back home and lay down at my Darwin shrine. :P

I'm completely broke right now, but it's ok, I've a meeting with the dole on Monday, so you lucky taxpayers will be bailing me out soon. Thanks lads.

In honour of Sonic The Hedgehog's 20th Birthday! Thank you for saving my childhood!

2011-06-23T11:47:00.002+01:00

COASTAL: DEBUT SINGLE

2011-06-21T12:26:00.003+01:00

&amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://coastal.bandcamp.com/track/nightmare-on-ulm-st"&amp;amp;amp;gt;Nightmare on Ulm St. by Coastal&amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;gt;

I wasn't lying when I said the album was coming! Here's the first single from it, under my new moniker Coastal! Enjoy

Monday

2011-06-20T07:23:00.002+01:00

Drinking Blueberry tea this morning. Like a total wanker. Looking in the cupboard I was astounded by the sheer amount of wanky herbal teas we have in this house. Oh well, it's a bit of variety isn't it?

I'm going to Tescos soon to have a look for some large cardboard boxes, needed to send the drums I sold on ebay a few days ago. Don't panic folks, I'm not hanging up my sticks just yet, I still have another drum kit. Although frankly sometimes I wonder what the point is in owning a kit, since in owning one, one obligates oneself to hauling it around for gigs/practices. While everyone else shows up with their guitar and smug smile.

I'll be drumming for Neil Burns this Friday. Some charity gig in Derry. The latest incarnation of False Relations includes my uncle/guru Alan, with his chordly guitar knowledge. This kind of knowledge is useful for a Neil Burns gig. Useless for a Paul Fox gig, if ever there was one.

'How's the Paul Fox 'album' coming along?!' I hear you cry/moan. Well I must say rather nicely indeed! It seems to be sort of just materialising like some kind of organic matter, without me really putting any effort into 'making' it and just dabbling in and out now and again. This is the very definition of Chaos Theory however, so it's hardly surprising that it seems to be working. I'd describe it as sounding like the logical progression of the sound started on 'PseudoSummeR' and evolved on 'Nightjars'. Basically it sounds like a mixture of those two albums, only played back on a shortwave radio....underwater.

Street Fuckers

2011-06-17T17:55:00.004+01:00

Belfast is a tiny place,
And when you're down the town,
Sometimes a familiar face
Will happen to be found.
"Fuck" you think, and try to flee
And get the hell away
Before the fucker sees you
And asks about your day.
There comes a point when you have lived
You've lived here long enough.
And avoiding people in the town
Becomes too fucking tough.
This is when it's time, you think
Time to be moving on.
So enjoy me while you can, street fuckers
Because soon I will be gone.