December 31st

Ah, look, it's December 31st. The last day of this goddamn year, good riddance to you 2011 you steaming heap of shit. I can only apologise for the lack of blog activity this year, maybe you don't care. Could be I'm getting too old to be blogging. Could be that it's time to move on to something new. I'm 25 years old, but I think I'm already in my mid-life crisis. I'll never be to old to be a narcissist. Thanks for reading, I wish you a damn good 2012, I hope you're doing what you want to do and I hope you're being cool with it. Cheerz!

I hope you never
Lose hope in the things you love,
Don't be a dickhead.

How

I'm going to ask you something
I should have long ago;
How can there be so much
That I still don't know?

How have I just fucked up
Everything that comes so easy?
And how can I be so ambitious
And yet still be so lazy?

There doesn't seem to be a way
To go where they are going.
I don't know where anyone gets
The strength that they are showing.

I can't forget my dreams
And there's nothing I can do,
Everyone else seems ok
With theirs not coming true.

Please It's Christmas

Please don't leave me
It's Christmas.
Don't leave me, stay.
I didn't mean to hit you
Over the head with the tray,
The dinner's getting colder.

Please don't leave me
I have nothing,
Carry on camping,
Please don't leave me

You left.

Please don't hate me
It's Christmas.
Don't hate me, eh?
I didn't mean to ignore you
For most of the day,
It's not like I have a life.

Please don't hate me
I have nothing,
Carry on marathon
Please don't hate me

You do.

Coastal: B like U

New Coastal track! One off fun tribute to the best band in the world The Strokes!

December 2003

When we broke up
In December 2003
I remember being on a bus
And looking out
The window and
Crying while it rained.

And the afternoon traffic
In the darkness passed
Blurred and unpitying
And somewhere in its eye
Was the future
Horrific in the distance.

The December evening
Crumbling into something worse
And the next morning
I woke up and
There was your photo
I punched the wall, hard.

And on Christmas Eve
I took the photo down
And wrote something in
A notebook that I still have
Somewhere and swallowed
About three valium.

Days passed like mist
Each was swallowed into
The remains of the year until
Finally it was 2004.
Finally it was 2005.
Finally it was 2006...

Eventually I'd forgotten
The true contours of your face
And all you were was
A blur, unrecognisable probably
To the guy who loved you
Who wasn't me any longer.

It's not that it wasn't me
Who loved you. It was.
It's just that time erodes the
Features of our hearts
Until they're no longer
Jagged mountains

Rising large into the sky,
But smooth and small
Like pebbles on a beach
Calmly waiting in
Resigned, accepted solitude
For the next wave.

Ghost in the Moonlight

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

Than a loser and a chump

At midnight.

Than the Forrest Gump

Of the highway

On the loneliest trip

Of the day.

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

The silvery moon so cold.

The wind in my face

Hair all over the place

Haunting all over the road.

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

Than a bozer and a drunk

At midnight.

Than the vomiting tramp

Of the alleyway

At the lowliest point

Of the day.

I'd rather be a ghost

In the moonlight

The silvery moon so cold.

The wind in my face

Hair all over the place

Haunting all over the road.

Rad

Feelin' so bad.
Lookin' so rad.
I can't tell you everything.
I can't tell you everything.
Feelin' so bad.
Lookin' so rad.

On My Relationship with Time

Time, is always passing
I've heard.
And apparently, it's always
Running out.
We worry what happens when
Time runs out;
We worry
About what will happen
When we're no longer here.
I know I do.
But why should I worry?
There was no thought of time
Before I was here,
And nor shall there be
When I am gone.
If time only exists for me,
Why worry
About the future when
The future outside of me
Cannot exist?
Just as any time in which
I don't exist, can't exist.
Do you understand?
'now' is not all we have,
'now' is more than we need.
Time isn't something we have,
Time is something we are.
Time and I are one and the same,
And will go on
Forever.

Hang

Hang the decorations
Please,
Bring the ones I like, love
Near.
Feeling so bad, but I'm so glad
That it's almost the end
Of the end
Of the year.

Hold the christmas dinner
Please,
Bring the snow down on my
Face.
Feeling so old and so comfortably cold
While I throw all the photos
Of you into
The fireplace.

My goose is cooked all the way
Through,
Texting someone out for a
Date.
Feeling so past it that I might as well ask
And the future is a thing I'm no longer
A part of
I can't wait.

The Coke Truck

Mum and I stopped to have a look at the coke truck today. Very exciting I'm sure you'll agree.

My Mum Thinks I'm a Loser

My mum thinks I'm a loser
And I don't do owt.
That I spend all her money
And lay about her house.
That I got no prospects
And I got no job
Like a long haired fuckwit
A drunken, lazy slob.
I watch 'Big Bang Theory'
With my obnoxious laugh,
It echoes 'round the hallway
While I sit on my ass.
I email out for work
But I get no response,
I'm destined to be stuck here,
Like a joyless, feckless ponce.
My mum thinks I'm a loser
And that I don't do owt.
Like a spider in her bathtub
A stranded layabout.

Sunstealer

New Little Owl album 'Sunstealer' is out now! Horrific.

One More Try

Do you think
That when we die
We get another go?
Like, that God says
"That one's for free,
I'll let you have another go
At it."
And you come back,
With all the knowledge it
Took your whole
Life to learn?
And you get one more try?
I hope so.

Yolk

I'm broke as a joke
And my face is a boke
And I'm eating a poke
In the bath where I soak
Like darth vader in a cloak
When he's drinking a coke
And have I any hope?
I think that's a nope
So I'm buying a rope
So I can have a wee choke
After one last smoke
And an egg with a yolk.

Wealth/Walk

The Guardian is turning into The Daily Mail for liberals lately. What with all this inequality and unfair distribution of wealth and all that. Everyone just noticed this and is now shouting about it. I have a feeling that they might as well be pissing into the wind to be honest, it doesn't look like anything is going to be 'done' any time soon. Maybe after the next major war, which looks increasingly certain, but not a moment sooner. I've come to a sort of zen like acceptance of all this, for a while I was paranoid, then I was in denial, now I've accepted it as almost inevitable. I don't know if all the latest crisis are blips on the radar of progress or if they are genuinely warnings of very bad times to come. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. If they're just blips, good, ignore it, move on. If they are indeed harbingers of some kind of apocalypse then I reckon that's also good. If that's what it takes for humankind to change, if that's the kick up the arse it's been waiting for then I welcome that with open arms!

I went for a walk today, in the Titanic quarter. I had a dream earlier this year which featured a strange car park. Today I found myself walking through it! I've had this happen before, when I've dreamed places/buildings etc. which seem fictional at the time but later turn out to be real places. I don't know how this happens, it's fascinating. It was a lonely walk, I felt completely alien throughout, almost like a ghost. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. I snapped some iphone photos.

I'm becoming quite interested in 'processing' the photos through various apps etc. I think photographic post-production allows one to take the image from the realm of truth or universal reality, into one of personal reality and emotion. I mean, it was all sunny and all, everything looked cheerful, but what if I didn't feel that way at the conception of the image? Well that image wouldn't say much about anything, then. It wouldn't tell you anything other than 'the sun was out, there were some boats on the lough' In processing, though, you can filter what you're seeing into more of a representation of your own reality. This, in the end, is more 'real' to me.

Halloween (sad pumpkin since I'm sick)

silicon valley

take me down

to silicon valley

and long there may i remain

to be but my own

in silicon valley

to program my life away

take me down

to silicon valley

for san francisco is mine

so long, i'm long gone

to silicon valley

to be frozen there in time

take me down

to silicon valley

scatter my ashes there

for to be at the heart

of silicon valley

is to be the squarest of square

Clocks

The clocks go back tonight
But they don't really.
If they did, that would be good.
But they don't.

Enjoy your extra hour in bed
You're gonna need it when you're dead.

Fealme

Trou bruv. Forreol,
Liak,
Ayaint lyein yafealme,
Liak,
Whot iamyea? Thats
Liak,
Trou. Reol. Yegetmi.

The Intensity of Existence in the Face of Normality

The bloodied

Lifeless 

Face of Gaddafi 

Stares back at me

From the screen

Whilst I 

Finish

My lunch.

Dreams and Friends

Dreams

Come and dreams go,

Leaving me awake

And sad.

You were in the dream.

Friends 

Come and friends go,

Leaving me alone

And sad.

I miss the friends I lose.

Dreams

Come and friends go,

Leaving me awake

And alone.

You're the one I miss.

Sunday

I've been travelling by bus of late, since the window in my car is still awaiting repair after the robbery last week. I must say, I've enjoyed it. I'd forgotten how nice it is to not have to concentrate on the road, and having time to immerse oneself in some music and notice the little things going by outside the window, that one wouldn't notice while driving. We're all broke lately, what else is new? In case you weren't paying attention, I was 'let go' from my short lived job as a truck salesman due to lack of business. I was overjoyed, having despised working there. Back to the dole I went. I'm not sure whether I hate working or I just keep landing myself in jobs that are terrible.

My plans for the rest of the year are to lay low, somewhat, and see where life seems to be taking me, because I've been thrown around like a rag doll this year, and I'm not sure what direction I'm pointing in anymore.

I'm planning to bus into Belfast later. I have no idea why. I think I just need a walk, or leave the house somehow. More shit soon.

Zombie

Like a zombie
I keep coming
And coming back for more.

Like a zombie
I don't really know
What I keep coming back for.

Like a zombie
I keep rising
Rising every day.

Like a zombie
I'm still walking
But dead in every way.

Birthday.

Went out with Lauren and Jenny and their friend Ryan tonight. Was good! Someone broke into my car and stole my ipod though. That was bad. Happy birthday me.

I'll never have a sports car
Will I? No.
I'll never have a sports car.

I'll never have a mini bar
Will I? No.
I'll never have a mini bar.

Trans Neptunian

Pluto, Haumea, Eris
Distant, frozen, heatless.
Nowhere, bloodless, lightless,
Spinning in the darkness.
Over the horizon
Passing beyond Makemake
There is something coming
That will change our lives forever.
Cruel and blue and shapeless
They are forming a trajectory,
Heartless, endless, knowing,
Better than we know each other.

Anyway

I voluntarily went and got a job.
I said, "Please, take all my time, take as much as you like."

In exchange for this, I was given money,
With which I can buy things to make myself feel better.

"It doesn't matter that I spend most of my time feeling miserable,"
I tell myself, "...I have money, and

Nothing really makes me happy anyway."

Nothing really makes me happy anyway.

Nothing really makes me happy anyway.

Nothing really makes me happy anyway.

Twenty Something

I'm in my twenties.
And have been for half a decade.
Since I only have five years left
To be in my twenties,
Sometimes I have to wonder
"Where am I going?"
And I have yet to find an answer.

We live in a world
Surrounded by twenty somethings
Doing wonderful things.
So when you're twenty something
And you're not,
You feel like a loser.
How much longer do I have to wait

For the pieces of my life to fall
Into place?
Until it all becomes clear?
The sad and true fact is that
It might never become clear,
And that life might be nothing more,
Than the search itself

For meaning in complete and absolute
Chaos.
Once, there was a time when I thought
Life was a series of complex patterns,
Fractals, basically. Interwoven,
Into the fabric of ones own existence.
The scary thing being, I could have been wrong.

"If you can keep your head while all around are losing theirs...you obviously haven't a clue what's going on."
Jeremy Paxman, Newsnight